thinking about feelings

whether professionally with a therapist or personally with a confidant, everyone wants to talk about their feelings. or do they really?

how long do feelings last?

probably not longer than 90 seconds which is plenty time to deliver a message. and that's how i love to see feelings and emotions; messengers.

honest to god messenger whose role is to convey a message for me to act upon. what the message actually is and what the resultant action will be is a question of instilled discipline or innate wisdom.

regardless of how you play it, no emotion lingers after its job is done. messages deliver and disappear. that's their duty.

but what if as recipient, i kidnap the messenger and refuse to let him leave. i want to read, re-read, and ruminate over the message repeatedly? i just want the messenger to stay with me while i'm stuck in this infinite loop of regressive behaviour.

for starters the messenger has no active role left to play in the game and can't participate passively with it's presence either. so why bother?

secondly, how am i benefitting from being stuck in this exaggerated cycle of insanity, instead of taking desired or decided action?

Insanity is repeating the same mistakes and expecting different results.

man talk

using generalisation of gender, it's easy to portray men as non-talkers. the common complaint that men don't talk about their feelings.

i'm curious to know what they do with it instead. let's play with the distinction of talking out your feelings vs talking about your feelings.

you may talk about your feelings with unrelated individuals and institutions, but you need to talk precisely to those that matter when expressing your feelings about that individual.

as a man, do you express what you feel to the people you feel about? if yes, how. if no, why not?

women talk...

gossip circles get a bad rep but they're healthy spaces to share emotions sometimes casually and sometimes deeply.

the benefit of having a sisterhood or sorority like group is the safety, intimacy and multiplicity of perspectives available to see one's emotions thru.

the decision of how you choose to act upon your emotions is still an independent task. but is there really any action taken after all that expression and discussion?

as a woman, do you act upon your emotions in a decisive and precise manner? if so, how? if not, why not?

less talk more action

A little less conversation, a little more action please
All this aggravation ain't satisfactionin' me
A little more bite and a little less bark
A little less fight and a little more spark

Elvis knew the game. all feelings crave action. instead you dilly-dally, procrastinate, ruminate, etc without acting. talking about it is not enough, eventually the trapped emotions will explode harming both self and others.

you can't explore emotions thru thoughts, whether that thinking is done alone or with others (personal or professional). exploration is thru action.

society trains you to behave a certain way regardless of how you're feeling. and some standard is necessary at the scale we're living.

that's no excuse to bottle down your emotional expression. it's on you as an individual to find a way to act upon your emotions in a way that helps you as well as others. one powerful way i encourage you try is to play together.

don't just think, move!

the Romans have extolled the virtues of walking over other activities. Indian sages have traversed the length and breadth of the subcontinent on feet. even in modern common parlance phrases like 'take a walk' to dissipate angry or overwhelm and 'think on your feet' suggesting decisive action, nod towards movement as key.


walking can act as a space for pre-emptive contemplation. i like to imagine death at the door; whether my own, that of loved ones, or that of hated ones.

what's important is not actively planning my responses but passively observing emotions that arise along with imagined responses. in case you try this at home, i'd say it's best done while walking.


scheduling walking into one's daily life can create a space for thinking about ie processing feelings accrued thru the past 24 hours.

whether they're emotions gathered thru professional engagements with a variety of individuals, or thru intimate personal relationships with loved ones, this walk can be an act of spring cleaning.

sift thru the experiences, understand the emotions that arose, seek the messages thus delivered, and either act immediately or schedule a follow up for a later time.


the aftermath of extreme emotional overwhelm can be devastating, especially of stuck in that ruminating loop of 'thinking about feelings'.

walking alone can help you move thru emotions with getting stuck. fasting helps bring me clarity for deeper contemplation. finally writing offloads all that overwhelm out of my head and into a piece of paper.

still stuck?

many people are pathologically obsessed with holding emotions ransom for no particular end but to fester in the quicksand that gathers over time.

you might be one of them, and that's not a label slapped on you. it's simply a symptom of how you're choosing to live your life.


Come on baby, I'm tired of talking
Grab your coat and let's start walking
Come on, come on (Come on, come on)
Come on, come on (Come on, come on)
Come on, come on (Come on, come on)
Don't procrastinate, don't articulate
Girl it's getting late, and you just sit and wait around